Today I am sad.

I really don't know how to adequately put into word how sad I am right now. If I could crawl in a hole right now I would gladly do so and possibly never come out. I am only surviving all the sadness in my life right now because of the grace of God my father. I previously posted about my parents accident and my husband's health issues. I did not elaborate on the whole "remodeled bathroom" issue except to say that we were ripped off not once but twice and now we are tossed away by our "church family" like an old rag. I am torn between agonizing sadness and furious rage. I know that people are people and far from perfect but I am so tired of Chirstians being the worst at the very thing they are supposed to be the best at: love and compassion. In our technological world we have all become dependent on that thing which seperates us - technology. Communication which should be at it's best now is breaking down because so many of us choose to only communicate through instant messages, email or blogs. I know I'm blogging now, but I assure you I choose my words very carefully and this will have been re-edited several times before I am satisfied that it truly expresses the ideas and emotions I am feeling at this moment. I understand the power of the written word. It truly is a double edged sword and there are many unskilled swordsmen out there.

I am tired of people not calling one another on the telephone. I want to hear the emotion in the voice on the other end of the line. To heck with the cost of minutes or whether it is a long distance call - I want to hear your concern, your tears, your joy and I want someone to hear mine. My husband is so much support to me when I am down but I would much rather talk to my friends than just an email. Now that is not to say that email is not ok but I had so wanted to hear from some of my so called "church friends" but that was not to be. Oh, there are some that claimed to have called several times but phone records can prove otherwise, caller ID does not lie.

I guess what is truly amazing to me is that my "work family" (who also happens to be a Christian bunch) has been so much more supportive and has stepped up to the plate in trying to do what they can during a really tough time. I have felt so much love from the people I see at work than from those I see at church that it is truly amazing. God has really blessed me with a wonderful place to spend so much time every day. I realize that God blesses me in places I least expect it. It is just sad to me that the place I expected it was the place from which I have recieved hostility instead of love.