My Dad

My Dad is an amazingly strong man. He has not only survived an unbelievably horrific accident but he is making progress that is breath-taking to behold. Last night he played 2 hands of Canasta with me. This in itself is amazing as just 2 weeks ago he was still in ICU. Just 2 weeks from tomorrow his trach was removed - he is talking up a storm. His speech is a little slurred but getting better all the time. It still possesses that weak, frail quality that matches his fragile condition but this is a man of incredible fortitude. He has had his moments when we all have shaken our heads and wondered how things were going to come out, but we have also had moments of immense thankfulness. I only wish I could see the end of the journey so that I could give him the proper hints along the way. He has many longings right now that I don't know how to answer. He wants to go home to Winnsboro, he wants to be able to drive a car, he wants to go visit Crossroads where he has enjoyed many evenings and "they all talk to me and are so nice". He wants to eat food and drink diet Dr. Pepper; he wants his hand to work right and his brain to get better. He still cannot sit up without getting dizzy and "throwing up. . . not quite, but almost". Oh, but he has come such a long way and we know he is "in there" - the man we love still inhabits the body he was born with. He is and isn't the same man. Right now he is more emotional than I have ever know him to be but he is also as onery and stubborn as he always was. He is fascinating to watch right now as he works through the events surrounding him - very childlike yet much more insightful. I am happy that things are going so well right now, I'm prepared for the steps backward but right now I'm enjoying the growth toward the person he will become.

A heartfelt apology to some -

One of my last postings may not have made sense to some who have read my blog. I am upset about a situation involving my church and people who I thought were my friends. I was not directing my comments to those who are really my friends - and you know who you are! I have some very good friends who I keep in touch with over email but those same friends would not hesitate to pick up the phone and call me at the first sign of my deep need for personal contact. As I have said before I am getting tired of people who have all the techy toys and won't use the human touch any more. It is a sad reflection of the evolution of our world. We will all soon be in our little cubicles with no human contact for the majority of our lives, technology will consume our waking hours and we will become little less than robots. I personally crave the phone calls and better yet the lunch dates with good friends, just to talk and catch up on life. That doesn't mean don't email me but just know I love the sound of your voice!

Today I am sad.

I really don't know how to adequately put into word how sad I am right now. If I could crawl in a hole right now I would gladly do so and possibly never come out. I am only surviving all the sadness in my life right now because of the grace of God my father. I previously posted about my parents accident and my husband's health issues. I did not elaborate on the whole "remodeled bathroom" issue except to say that we were ripped off not once but twice and now we are tossed away by our "church family" like an old rag. I am torn between agonizing sadness and furious rage. I know that people are people and far from perfect but I am so tired of Chirstians being the worst at the very thing they are supposed to be the best at: love and compassion. In our technological world we have all become dependent on that thing which seperates us - technology. Communication which should be at it's best now is breaking down because so many of us choose to only communicate through instant messages, email or blogs. I know I'm blogging now, but I assure you I choose my words very carefully and this will have been re-edited several times before I am satisfied that it truly expresses the ideas and emotions I am feeling at this moment. I understand the power of the written word. It truly is a double edged sword and there are many unskilled swordsmen out there.

I am tired of people not calling one another on the telephone. I want to hear the emotion in the voice on the other end of the line. To heck with the cost of minutes or whether it is a long distance call - I want to hear your concern, your tears, your joy and I want someone to hear mine. My husband is so much support to me when I am down but I would much rather talk to my friends than just an email. Now that is not to say that email is not ok but I had so wanted to hear from some of my so called "church friends" but that was not to be. Oh, there are some that claimed to have called several times but phone records can prove otherwise, caller ID does not lie.

I guess what is truly amazing to me is that my "work family" (who also happens to be a Christian bunch) has been so much more supportive and has stepped up to the plate in trying to do what they can during a really tough time. I have felt so much love from the people I see at work than from those I see at church that it is truly amazing. God has really blessed me with a wonderful place to spend so much time every day. I realize that God blesses me in places I least expect it. It is just sad to me that the place I expected it was the place from which I have recieved hostility instead of love.

Sigh......

Just a thought: I was just reading my sister-in-laws blog and thinking I am neglecting mine. She posts much more frequently than I. My husband also post to his blog with more regularity than I post to mine. Am I neglectful of my blog? Is there are reader out there who is malnourished because I post infrequently? I hope not.

I saw a quote today that I have seen a million times before but it particularly struck me today.
"Whether we look or whether we listen, we hear life murmur, or see it glisten." - James Russel Lowell
This struck me today in view of all the occurances in the last 2 weeks. My husband has had 3 serious allergic reactions to prescribed medication. My father was at death's door and still is too close to it to feel comfortable. This simple quote is pregnant with so much of what I have seen and felt in the recent past. We have to look and listen because those murmurs and glistenings are soft and quiet and easy to miss or take for granted.

I think I'll ponder on that for a while.